LOVE.

Love.
What is love?
Have you ever loved?
Have you ever been loved?
Have those words left your lips? "I love you."
Those words can mean so many things to so many different people.

What does the word LOVE mean to you?

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is not self seeking.
Love does not boast.
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love endures.
Love does not give up.
Love is an action.
Love knows no gender.
Love knows no race.
Love knows no limits.
Love is boundless.
Love holds on when the rest of the world lets go.
Love is to be celebrated.
Love is never to be ashamed of.
Love is eternal.

#LOVEWINS

I make the choice today to love.

Moment in Time.

There we were.

Together.

At last.

I felt a million miles away from you.

I didn't know how to bridge the void between us.

Small talk.

Laugh.

Joke.

I still felt so far away.

Your smile enchanted me.

Yet I couldn't seem to catch your eye.

Just to capture a glimpse.

Your distinct walk.

Your small mannerisms.

Your joyous laugh.

Your care free spirit.

Your eyes shown brightly.

There we were, alone.

The inches separating us seemed like an eternal abyss.

I yearned for a hope to just touch you.

You to touch me.

Hesitation.

My touch caressed you ever so softly.

My fingers danced upon your skin.

The walls slowly eroded away like sand castles on the beach being greeted with the waves.

You pulled me close.

Time stood still.

Seconds ticked.

Our arms wrapped around the other.

Our bodies grew warm.

Our breathes grew deeper.

Lips meet.

As our lips touch, the anticipation burst into a final release.

Finally.

I had been aching for that.

Moment in time.

3 B's.

...3 B's...

Breathe.
Believe.
Battle.

After having my head forced under the water by the debilitating depression that I battled each and every day, I have come up for a breathe of air.

I gasp.
My lungs expand.
I didn't realize this was possible.

...Breathe.

I am believing in myself more and more each day, and learning to retrain my brain and mind in differenent ways of thought and cognitive conditioning. Is it possible to live a life free from clinical depression and is it possible to overcome mental illness? An illness that is just as debilitating physically as it is mentally?

...Believe.

I am to tap into the competitive spirit that I was born with and used so often during my athletic team sporting events while growing up.

In facing opponents that were bigger, stronger, faster and more talented that myself, I fought and battled.

...I face a different opponent today.

One that is just as BIG, STRONG and OVERPOWERING.

One that lacks mercy.
One that lacks compassion.
One that lacks empathy.

This time, there are no cheering fans.

This time, there are no teammates.

This time, it isn't about a sporting event.

This time, it is about my life.

I am stepping into a new arena to do battle.

Maybe this time I have a fighting chance.

...Battle.

#continuetofight

Laughed.

Last night I laughed.
Last night I smiled and sang a song unlike I have in YEARS.
I am looking for ways to make it through this time and to find a reason to live.
I am looking for inroads to follow.
I am looking for ways to redefine my life.
I ask myself, "Was all the pain worth the little bit of happiness you have experienced?"
I feel we don't truly understand and know what happiness is unless we have experienced loss and pain.
Only then can we truly know what it means to live in the moment and be free.
Content, free to love and live.
Living life with a deeper sense purpose and love for others.
I am praying for continued progress and hope to continue to get better and healthier.
A hope.
At least I can hope now.

#continuingthejourney