First step towards ECT.

ECT.

Electro Convulsive Therapy.

Many are unaware of ECT and what purpose it serves in the healing process of those with mental illnesses.

Today, is my step into that journey.

It seems to be my last option and hope.

My feelings :
Scared.
Fearful.
Worried.
Uncertain.....yet hopeful to a degree.

Seeking some relief, quite possibly for the first time in over a decade.

Depression is real.

Many are misinformed and misunderstood.

Imagine pushing a rolling snow ball up a mountain with all your strength.

The harder you push, the larger the ball becomes.

Once at the top and you think that you may have a bit of relief, the ball rolls back on top of you.

Crushing you.
Rolling back to the foot of the mountain.
Leaving you hopeless and without the energy to return to the process.

However stopping isn't an option.

You MUST do so, in order to continue to live.

Your weary.
Your broken.
Your heart aches.
Your emotional beat to a plup.
Your physically exhausted.
Your mentally pushed to levels unimaginable.
Your spiritually dry and without faith.
Yet, you walk back down to the bottom of the mountain and give it one more try.

Fighting to stay alive.

Yet...
Once again.
The snow ball engulfs you.

How long must one continue this?

#justwantrelief